Perfect, or good enough?
Striving for perfection can be motivating, but it can also be exhausting. Psychologist Beatrice Ernest explains how to tell healthy determination apart from excessive self-criticism.
Perfectionism is a trait in which a person places excessive focus on outcomes and achieving perfection. It can feel like a motivating force, helping us overcome difficulties and achieve success — but it can also turn unhealthy, bringing negative consequences and becoming a risk factor for mental health.
Perfectionism is more than simply wanting to do things well and thoroughly. It’s a drive toward perfection — a tendency to set excessively high standards for yourself and others, paired with a fear of making mistakes.
Adaptive vs maladaptive perfectionists
Adaptive perfectionists differ from maladaptive ones in where their focus lies. An adaptive perfectionist strives for high standards, feels satisfied with their achievements, and doesn’t get discouraged by mistakes but learns from them. A maladaptive perfectionist, by contrast, fears mistakes, blames themselves for anything that seems lacking, and loses any sense of satisfaction or pride in what’s already been done well.
Adaptive perfectionists may enjoy the process of working toward a goal just as much as, or even more than, reaching the goal itself. Maladaptive perfectionists, on the other hand, see only the goal and nothing else — they’re so focused on avoiding failure that they can’t enjoy the process of growth and effort. While an adaptive perfectionist can feel satisfied simply knowing they did their best, a maladaptive one won’t settle for anything short of perfection. “Almost perfect” or “good enough” is seen as failure.
Consequences
Maladaptive perfectionists are often self-critical and driven by fear, setting unrealistic expectations for themselves and fearing failure. They can become extremely particular and overly focused on making everything flawless, which can lead to growing controlling behaviour and dissatisfaction.
Maladaptive perfectionism can come with, among other things:
- Low self-esteem: when high personal standards aren’t met, it can create a sense of being inadequate.
- Anxiety and stress: the constant drive toward perfection creates tension and anxiety.
- Burnout: when sustained effort and self-criticism continue for a long time, it can lead to depleted energy and emotional exhaustion.
How can you deal with perfectionism?
If you feel perfectionism is affecting your life, you can reduce its impact with a few simple but consistent steps.
- Notice your patterns. Become aware of how often you judge yourself too harshly. Write down perfectionistic thoughts as soon as they arise — this makes them easier to notice and change.
- Practise positive self-talk. Self-criticism can encourage unhealthy thinking and lower self-esteem. Try talking to yourself the way you would talk to a good friend.
- Set realistic, achievable goals. Break big goals down into smaller steps, and use the SMART technique to define them more clearly.
- Set time limits on tasks. Avoid spending excessive time chasing perfection — set a fixed amount of time for a task and stick to it.
- Avoid procrastination. Perfectionism and procrastination often go hand in hand.
- Focus on the process, not just the outcome.
- Remember that mistakes aren’t bad — we learn from them.
Adaptive perfectionism can be motivating and help you achieve your goals, but maladaptive perfectionism brings stress, anxiety, low self-esteem, and eventually burnout.
If you recognise these traits in yourself, don’t be discouraged. Awareness is the first step toward change. By understanding how perfectionism affects you, you can start building a healthier relationship with your expectations and goals. Letting go of perfection doesn’t mean giving up — it can actually help you achieve more, while experiencing greater satisfaction and inner balance along the way.
If you feel perfectionism is affecting your wellbeing, feel free to reach out to Meliva’s psychologists. Book an appointment on our website.
